The Fourth After Three Times the Charm

 
Some say that it's never too late to start again... sometimes it is...

Why do we encounter ex lovers?


A second chance?... 

A proper closure?...

or a painful lesson?...

...

She was my first true love, she was everything I could have ever wanted, I never really deserved her.. But she loved me like no one else would ever do... she was everything I ever asked for, besides her beauty, she was strong and brave and she was loyal and faithful to me...

We had literally everything around... all we could ever asked for, the freedom, the time and everything else..

I loved her and she loved me, but pride and lust caught up to me and I cheated on her three times.. and three times she forgave me... I gave her the freedom to leave me but she chose to stay still and be with me...

We had the right thing but we had the wrong time.. I was not ready for that kind of commitment back then, or maybe I was, I was just afraid.. If only I'd knew...

I felt confident and treated her and acted like she won't leave me no matter what... I was foolish enough not be thankful and grateful that she let everything I did in the past go...

It was my mistake...

Eventually time caught up to her and she felt like I was too much for her to handle anymore, she loved another and got married to him... I couldn't do anything because I owed her too much for me to try and even contest what she wanted to do for what she wanted for her own happiness...

She tried to call and apologize but I was too drunk to have listened, I cursed and cursed and didn't even listen to whatever she had to say...

That was the last time we ever spoke...

I tried to wait, I tried to chase after her, even as far as wherever she was at the time.. but she deserved all the happiness and she didn't want it with me anymore... too much damage has been done.

I had no choice but to let her go...

....

She was the girl who never wanted to be with me before, she was the girl who doubted my loyalty and chose to ignore all my advances to her..

We had everything around, money, time, friends, even the environment was favorable to us before... I was questionable back then but despite all of them I still tried to make it work and prove myself to her..

She was never the typical choice, but I did choose her, there was something in her that I really liked and I thought that if I've put effort and conviction to her, she would give in soon enough...

She thought she would have been the rebound, or the third party.. I never really knew because what I made were rash decisions at that time, we were both young and we both wanted to have done more in life after our experience...

We were at the right place at the wrong time...We could have had the right thing back then...

Time passed and we went our different ways, she went overseas while I waited back home, I thought I was waiting for something until I found out she got pregnant overseas.. It hurt like hell and I wanted to get away from reality...

It was valentines day and I picked up a bouquet of roses and a box of good chocolates for her, I waited for her outside her house, she never came.. I found out later the reason behind was that she was obviously pregnant at the time and she didn't want me to see...

That was the end of it.. I never thought I could have ever spoken to her again after what happened...

...

She was a crush from long ago, I thought she would have been the right person to have loved and given everything to, I've always admired her form afar before, she had the brains and the drive I've always looked for, and those eyes I've always admired.

I thought I'd forget all the shit in the past and settle down with her in a foreign land... Despite everyone's doubts, I gave it a try

I gave it a try and it seemed poised to work, I was honest and loyal to her, I tried to correct every wrong I've ever did... I tried to have been the right one for her and gave her everything... I thought that was enough..

As time passed by, I've realized we had the wrong thing at what could possibly have been the right time and the right place... We could have had everything.. I could and I would have had given her everything, until I found out...

I flew thousands of miles just to give it a try, everyone was against her, but I never really believed any of them at first, I believed in who she told me she was.. until i found out that I was not paranoid at all... that everything they told about her was true..

It was my birthday and she was all I ever wanted to make me feel special that day, but she never cared at all, she'd rather spend money to go to a club and party with friends than do anything for me..

That was the end of the line..

She was getting over a breakup, a breakup she never really never wanted to get over, I found out she was proudly telling other people that she was just using me but was still getting it on with her ex or flirting around with whoever.. It fucking hurt and again I had another reality to escape from, it was too much to bear.. just a glimpse of the city reminds me of all the lies.. I wanted out right away...

...

She was the counterpart, the witty and intelligent girl I've always teased around...

She was never an ex lover, but she was always there... We had chances before, but it was always the wrong time... We never had the opportunity to have been together.. given the complicated circumstances... We always missed the opportunity... including the one before I left... 

She opened up her past, and this was mine.. These were the experiences I've gone through through the past few years... I never could have told them face to face because I didn't want to talk about them when I'm with her, or at least I didn't feel the need to...

Let's see where it goes from here... one year from now..

I know I'll see her again..

....


TBC...