Moments...

After a hard days work, I dunno what got into me but I can't sleep, after an eighteen hour day, can't seem to find the sleep in me...

Randomly browsing social media, a friend suddenly messaged me about a certain someone, a random news feed popped into my screen, and some photos just appeared in my screen.. it just got me in a reminiscing mood...

I'm in a happy but complicated and difficult relationship as of the moment, and hopefully for the rest of my life minus the complicated and difficult.. I can't complain about almost anything about this girl, she was the one I was always looking for..

Then it hit me, like how Ted told his kids the story of how he met his children's mom, but it turned out to be the story on who he had to be before he met the mother of his children.. on a sleepless night, I thought about all the shit I had to go through before I met this girl...

I forgot what show or movie I watched but I heard someone saying "our life is defined by 4-5 moments, moments that will define who you are"... and as of now, these are all I can think of.. I have 6 of them when I finished writing this shit..



"Lose weight, then come back to me"

Oh snap, one of the most painful things I've ever gone through.. at first I took it as a compliment, that she liked me and could have loved me if I lost a few pounds back then.. I was qualified except for one thing, and I thought that wasn't bad and that I could work on that.. I went on to lose weight and be in shape, but then it came to my senses, this bitch wants a trophy boyfriend, that I could have possibly had whatever she wanted out of a guy and could have given her everything she could have wanted except for being the one she can flaunt as a trophy to everyone else... that hurt.. so never mind... but hey, at least it made me lose weight and never come back to being that fat ass.. or so I thought...

From then on I made sue that I was slightly in shape to look decent... I never really dreamed of having those six packs, but I'd take it if it will come in a cereal box..

"I can't love you because I can never be proud of you"

Different girl, same old shit... On my fucking birthday celebration.. In my bed... about 4 in the morning. Ouch.

I thought I had it, I looked fairly decent, but I had no plans.. I was going up against all this studs and all the hunks and jocks and whoever else wanted that girl... I thought I was good enough for her to be in my bed in that state at that particular hour of the night.. but damn, I never saw that coming... I was frienzoned like fuck and then I was dumped like garbage.. fuck it, I was missing something in my life... I had to be good in something... I had to have something I can be proud of... as of that moment, I didn't know what it was and I had no idea what I wanted.. great sex though.. but OUCH.


"She will never know, he will never know, no one will ever know... we are living in this moment and we are seizing it"

Was what I always said when I did unforgivable things to a certain someone.. everyone always thinks that they will never get caught when they do such things.. I remember it like it was yesterday, I don't regret it, not because of the sex, but because of the lessons I learned of how much we can lose by exchanging a loyal and faithful girl for a one (or two) night stand with a random (or just a slutty) girl.. God knows how much I want to say sorry for everything I've done, I've written about it countless times in this blog.. but this will, and would always be, one of the most stupid things I've ever done and one of the things that define who I am today..

"I'm getting married, I just finished having sex with him"

The biggest what the fuck of my life.. I was stunned, paralysed, bedazzled and whatever other words you can say to describe that feeling... I was a thousand miles away, I couldn't do anything to defend myself or try to win her back or anything... there was nothing else I can do... all hope was lost, I destroyed our relationship and what a way to exact revenge on me.. perfect.. It hit me like a freight train... I can still remember hearing the voice of the guy in the background as she made that phone call to me.. I couldn't blame her for what she did, but fuck did that hurt.. The first time I was left without a clue on what to do next..

"I Love You"

TO HER BOYFRIEND. HAHA

So there was this girl, one of my best friends, that I've always been soft to, I've always loved her and she never knew about it, I'd just wake up seeing random phone calls I made to her when I was drunk or something.. She was always special.. I was always there for her and she was always there for me, but damn did it hurt, when in a position of stress, in a literal life and death situation, she called her boyfriend overseas, told him what's happening, and said those three words right when I was there looking straight at her.. damn. I realised that there will always be that someone, the best one I'll never have.. but I respected that, and from then on I knew that she will always be my friend, nothing more... and I'm okay with that.

"She's cheating on you, She's just using you"

Talk about Karmas biggest slap on my face.. there I was, proud of what I achieved, sorry for what I've done, lost all the weight I can without starving myself to death, thinking I've learned the lesson of the universe.. I did my best to be good and do good, be professional in what I do, and be satisfied with maybe not the perfect, but decent girl.. I could have gone with whoever I wanted, I could have fucked my way with all those who wanted to, but I didn't, because I learned the lesson of having and losing someone.. I was loyal and faithful now, I was honest and I thought that was enough... then the news hit me, and it was with hard proof. So there it was, the bitch admitted and was proud to tell people that she was cheating and was just using me for whatever, (hopefully great sex included), but fuck that shit, I'm done, I'm out, I didn't even need and explanation or whatever.. I'm out, thanks karma.. Good luck to her living a concubine and adulterers life though.. I guess that makes her feel beautiful.




Then everything seemed to fall into place, I went somewhere else to find peace and escape, but I guess this is the place where I found myself, everything I wanted to do, all that I want to be and who I wanted to be with... Things will sometimes be difficult and frustrating at times, but as of now, personally I think ready for all the things coming my way...

bring it on.