End of an Era: To an Ex for Someone New...

Its been a little bit more than three years since we last talked.. since I last heard your voice... We never really had that proper closure I wanted... nor a decent one... we just ended like that.. I know its mostly my fault.. and I know that you probably won't be able to read this...

But there's something I want to get out of my chest before I finally say goodbye...

To be honest, I never really let go, there was a part of me that always hoped that something will happen that will make our paths cross again.. I've always longed for how you loved me, how you were when we were together, and how we were with each other before... before this, I've always remembered every detail of our relationship, you were always a part of my life, you were always my standard and you were always the woman to beat... in my eyes at least...

It was three years since I started this blog, everything I went through since we broke up was written here, all the bullshits I've gone through and all the women I've been with, it was a roller coaster ride to be honest... but in the end, it was all still because of you..

The past three years since we broke up was really hard, I had to keep going out of the country because everywhere I go there always reminded me of you, of us.. all the places we used to go to, where we eat and everything else... I've always tried to avoid those places because I didn't want to remember you... I dated and played around with some of the girls you hated before, all of them who you said you won't be able to accept if I chose to replace you with them, I did all that to make me feel like I've won the breakup... but in reality, I was desperate trying to survive it... I was trying to believe that I was happy and contented with my life after you.. that I was doing well and that I was strong enough to have handled everything... I was wrong... karma hit me like a bitch... You were my everything at that point of my life, and when I did those things that made you want to leave me and get married, I didn't know what I was thinking.. We could have had it all as they say it, we could have had everything we wanted, and we could have fulfilled everything we have always planned before... it was my fault... and I'm sorry for that...

What we had can never be replaced or duplicated, we were young and crazy and that made friends and enemies for us at that time, it was my pride and insecurities that caused us to have been that kind of couple, we could have been better, but I guess things happen for a reason.. I know you moved on and it's time for me to do so as well...

I never liked the way we ended, the way you wanted things to end, and the way you gave up everything, but I knew I deserved every single ounce of pain that I've been through the past few years because it was of my own fault that ended things...  I was never mad at you for leaving me, I was hurt and bitter for some time but I was never mad at you because I know that you never did anything wrong to me...

I'm sorry, I truly am, I know it's too late to have said sorry for all the bullshit and pain I've caused you... But I have always admired the kind of person you were at the time we were together, and wherever you are right now and whatever you may be going through, I know that you're strong enough to handle it... I respect the kind of girlfriend you were to me, you have always given me what I wanted, did whatever I wanted to do and supported me in every single aspect of my life... and I loved you for that, and I will always be grateful that I once had someone like you in my life...

I've learned so much the past three years, I grew up, I made some of the same mistakes I've done with you before, and little by little I started to realise that it was those small things that destroyed our relationship before... I've learned that If I wanted to have the same kind of love and relationship we had before all the pride and insecurities played through, one that could have lasted, filled with happiness and understanding, honestly and loyalty... I knew that I had to grow up...

It took me three years to realise this... but now I have to let go...

Thank you being my first true love, my first real girlfriend, thank you for everything you have done for me, for forgiving me and for loving me as I was back then... and thank you for teaching me this lesson.. a lesson that I will put into heart for the rest of my life...

In the end, you still played an important part in my life, It was you who taught me to be a better man for someone that I don't want to lose, that I want to be with for the rest of my life.. and I'm thankful to you for being strong and leaving me because if it wasn't for our breakup, I wouldn't grow up..

I've learned my lesson, and I don't want to lose someone the way I lost you...

This is the last time and the last one...

Goodbye Darlababes...


-Karlo