Merlion

In life there will always be situations wherein we just wanna move on from something that didn't or couldn't just work out.. times wherein we want to fuck everything up and just move on with our lives living with the fact that we failed.. a sad thing to think about but sometimes that's just the way life is..

Sometimes, there are cases that we tried to do so but in the end we find ourselves stuck in the same loop all over again, wherein we think that we have moved on but reality strikes us all of a sudden with a barrage of memories of all the shit you've been through with or for this someone, emotions felt towards this person and situations that could have been or should have been but just didn't happen..

Countless times have I written in this blog about how shit happens for a reason, about how fucked up courting someone could be, about how waiting could mess up your life in many ways you have never imagined..

The feeling when you have all the reason to leave but just couldn't do it, when all odds go against you but still you choose to fight.. cowardice may be a reason, fear or "katorpehan" could be as well.. but sometimes, maybe, its a little something we call "love"..

There are times when we try to make ourselves believe that we can move on, that we can let go and find someone else, but sometimes there's just this something that separates this someone from the rest.. something unexplainable that even you yourself cannot describe.. the results may go smoothly but most of the times it just backfires on you.. you find yourself trying to move on from this someone but you end up falling even harder..

Sometimes we make ourselves think that we are falling for someone else but truth is we're just using that thought to make ourselves think that we can let go of this someone, a short term goal that might succeed but a long term decision that can fuck up your life forever..

I find it completely stupid to make yourself believe that you are liking someone else but deep inside you know for a fact that your heart still beats for that someone you tried to escape from.. a lame excuse of liking someone thinking that he or she will get jealous or somehow realize his or her feelings for you..

Everyone makes mistakes. and that was mine..

I wanted a reason to stay, I wanted a reason to still believe in you and me but in the end you ignored the fact that it was still you, for once I asked for something to hold on to, for once I tried to be selfish, I went all out and told you everything but I guess it wasn't enough.. I tried to let you go, but in the end, all roads still end up back to you..