"Please don't hurt me"

I may have looked like a maniac or a psycho that night... someone crazy you just met recently, a drunkard berating all sorts of relationships and how it doesn't work, someone torn apart having been hurt countless times... I was someone back at square one, trying to forget every wrong decision I made in the past few years...

I never knew what I was after, all I knew was you were the new girl who walked in that front door while I was sleeping in the couch, I found it funny that you we're struggling to speak english while borrowing an umbrella from one of our friends, that was the first time I saw your face and heard your voice.. I never told you but I called everyone for a huddle right after you left... asking out who the hell was that girl borrowing the umbrella.. "She's pretty" was what I first had in mind... and I set everyone out on assignments to try and get to know all about you...

I never knew you would change everything..

I stopped at nothing to get your attention, maybe at the time I just wanted someone to be with and someone to flirt with... parties here and there, beer and drinks everywhere, breakfast, lunch, dinner... "You name it, I'll get it" was my play..

We never really had the privacy at first, we were always surrounded by our housemates and friends, but even so, I never stopped trying to make a connection with you...

I never even knew my intentions for you at that time, I didn't know what I wanted.. A relationship? someone to fuck? a companion? someone to listen to all my shit?... I didn't know... all I knew was I couldn't take all my senses off of you... I couldn't stop talking to you telling you whatever stories... I couldn't stop wanting to listen to you trying to speak english and telling me stories about your country... I can't stop wanting to be with you all the time since the first day... I never knew what was gonna happen next...

You were that quirky, cheerful and intelligent girl that I really enjoyed being with, you took my head off all the other girls in that dorm... I just wanted you and I just wanted to be with you all the time... not to mention you can drink as hard or even harder than me... you were perfect..

All I remember was that I didn't want to ask the question "Do you have a boyfriend?".. because I was afraid I wouldn't like the answer... because I find it impossible that a smart and pretty girl like you would not have someone waiting for you in your country when all that you had to do during your time here was over... or have someone here see you the way I did... but when you said you didn't have anyone... I knew it... You had to be mine...

Then so it happened... We finally had our privacy in a form of a cigarette break... everyone was inside partying... and there we were, I had you all for myself... You were teasing me of being gay, and I knew that was the perfect play to try and kiss you... the whole "I'll prove to you that I'm not gay" shit..

Score..

but then......

I'll always remember the first thing you told me after the first time we kissed...

"Please don't hurt me"

I never knew that those words from you would change everything...

From then on, we probably knew that it was gonna be one crazy summer..

And that was just the beginning...

Through the Distance..

Oh well... It sucks...

Everyone expects it to be hard.. it never comes easy...

When you know the other one is loyal and honest as fuck, trust is not an issue, and well in this case, its not...

It sucks in a way that you miss the person so much... that you want her to be a part of your every day life and routine, well, she still is, through Skype.. It sucks though that she isn't there when you wake up in the morning, no one to cook breakfast for, no one to take to work or to wait to go home... No one there to make a debate on where to eat or what to eat for dinner... and countless other things that you've grown accustomed of doing with her before you got separated...

No one wanted it to be like this, we all know that if we had the means to be together with the person we love, we will do so... but life has a way of twisting things a little.. We never know what's gonna happen, what opportunities and all the other crazy things coming our way...We have very little control of what's gonna happen next, and we try to make the most out of that...

Fact is, you met for a reason, there has to be something behind everything... I believe in that shit.. Everything happens for a reason... We met for a reason, we fell in love for a reason, we became separated for a reason and someday, somehow, we will meet again for a reason...

Only question is when and how...

I have no idea as well... we can control the situation as much as we can, but truth is everything that's gonna be is gonna be... you'll never know...

It's normal to be negative at some point, ask the questions "is this worth it?" or "is this a deadend?" it's normal to doubt and question the state of your relationship...

But then...

You reminisce and remember about all the happy thoughts and happy memories you've shared together, all the things you've done and all the other things you could have done... everything that can happen or that is yet to happen..

Yes its hard, going the distance is hard as fuck.. but I guess I can say that it's for the strong willed, for the truly inlove, for those people willing to risk a few years of being apart for the hope of being together for the rest of your lives...

Most people say it doesn't work, that its doomed... but for those who succeeded in it, they claim that every minute of being apart was worth it for it made them love each other even more.. the longing, the missing, the countless nights of being alone was all worth it when it came to that particular moment that you lay your eyes on each other face to face once again...

Good things come to those who wait... Distance makes the heart grow fonder... only the strong ones survive... etc etc.. all the cliches and positive quotes about going through a long distance relationship start to catch your interest.. believing in those words, in those phrases and stories of success in such kind of relationships... you start to wish that all those words apply to everyone... but in reality, it doesn't...

It's all about faith in each other... the willingness to go through all the pain and hardships of being in a long distance relationship... knowing that one day... it will all make sense and it will all be worth it... with the right person... at the right moment.... at the right place...

I found mine, and it sucks that we're going through this right now... but it's worth the damn wait... and as of the moment... the first part of going through this relationship is done.. the next meeting is set...

Step by step we will be able to solve this puzzle... and as long as we're both into it.. We will figure it out...

.....together through the distance...

Mi Arco Iris...

She... I never saw her coming my way....


I started the year 2015 on a crappy note, had a shitty relationship with the wrong bitch, had a crappy job working for and with even more wrong people... I quoted Ted Mosby when he once said, "My career and lovelife aren't going anywhere" or something like that, I felt that to the core, working 12 hours a day, getting paid jack shit for all that hard work without any kind of appreciation or recognition and instead getting randomly yelled at just because those stupid and illiterate freaks felt like it for no reason at all, found out that that bitch turned out how who everyone told me she was and not how who I thought and tried to believe her to be... Everything was crap from the beginning of the year, I didn't have any plans going forward, I just wanted to leave that shithole of a place.. I was depressed and torn apart, I never expected that my experience there would turn out to be like that.. The world is not perfect...

I resigned a week before my birthday, I thought it was the best birthday gift to myself to have left that God forsaken place..

I never knew that was the beginning of every crazy little thing that's gonna happen...

The first property I saw that was open for hiring elsewhere, I just applied, regardless of where it was, who was there, how much it paid etc etc... I didn't care, anywhere would have turned out to be better than that particular company.. and as expected, I got accepted to a new place, knowing absolutely no one, trying to rebuild my love for my profession and somehow promising myself not be involved in any kind of relationship after that freak show from the previous one.

Quite some time later, this girl walks in that front door, I liked her face, I noticed those big green eyes, I knew I wanted her.. She sat there, just looking around and speaking a different language with probably no clue of all the crazy things coming our way... and I remember that in that particular moment, for my eyes at least... regardless of my intentions at the time... she was perfect at first sight...

Everyone thought or at least majority thinks that it was gonna be a fuck buddy set up, or a summer fling, or a doomed relationship to begin with, we came from different cultures, different countries, different beliefs in life and different career paths, and the clock was ticking on us...

This kind of relationships don't work too easily, well at first it was like living a dream... living in the same house, sleeping in the same bed, waiting for each other to get back from work, preparing meals and doing the dishes together.. but it all had to end, she had to go back to reality and her country... it had to be that way and we had to face separation... everything we had done was like a foreplay of what's yet to come, or a preview of what we could possibly have in the future together..

I had to think on the fly, I had to come up with a decision and a solution, was it just gonna be a fuck buddy thing? a summer fling? or were we gonna take that shot at happiness despite having a very slight chance of actually turning something seemingly impossible into something really special... I had to take the risk, I could have chosen the easy way and escaped all kinds of emotions and commitment and just let her go back to her country no strings attached... but then I realized.. she was too much for me to pass on...

I didn't want to trust again, after the previous relationship I just thought of everything as a game, that there's no such thing as equality, that one will always take advantage of the other or the other way around, that was the culture from where I came from, or at least the culture that I got accustomed to in my previous relationship, that its all about succumbing to insecurities and chasing after money and fame and bragging rights and counting likes off your facebook photos and all that crap... I didn't want to go through all that shit all over again..

I was scared, a smart student, an over achiever with a brilliant mind, and it was her first time going abroad, it rang a bell to me.. I was scared that she was going to end up sleeping around with white dudes or her superiors and supervisors just because she wants to feel pretty and desirable overseas...

I was wrong...

She was completely different and that made me want to go through with this relationship...

She didn't care if she got 20 or 50 or 100 likes off her photos, she didn't care about being famous and popular, she didn't want to sleep around and flirt with people to make herself feel beautiful, she knows that she is and she's confident with herself that she doesn't need likes or any other people to tell her so... she just wanted to be with me, and that was enough, period, regardless of whatever anyone says or thinks, it didn't matter, no showbiz, no drama... she just wanted us to be us... and for that, I was very thankful to have met her... and that's when it hit me...

I had to make a plan, I had to be better in what I do.. I want to be able to go anywhere with her and do whatever it takes to be together like that again.. and I will, it's just a matter of time... The world will be our playground.. wherever it may be, as long as I have my camera on one hand and her hand in the other, anywhere in the world will do...

She was perfect... everything I ever asked for...

She was my rainbow, the wonder that came after the storm...

Mi Amor, Mi Arco Iris....

I know there will be a lot more storms to come, hell, we're in the middle of one right now... but I'll be okay because I know you'll always be there at the end of each and every one of them for me.. and I'll hold your hand and go through every storm in your life with you..

End of an Era: To an Ex for Someone New...

Its been a little bit more than three years since we last talked.. since I last heard your voice... We never really had that proper closure I wanted... nor a decent one... we just ended like that.. I know its mostly my fault.. and I know that you probably won't be able to read this...

But there's something I want to get out of my chest before I finally say goodbye...

To be honest, I never really let go, there was a part of me that always hoped that something will happen that will make our paths cross again.. I've always longed for how you loved me, how you were when we were together, and how we were with each other before... before this, I've always remembered every detail of our relationship, you were always a part of my life, you were always my standard and you were always the woman to beat... in my eyes at least...

It was three years since I started this blog, everything I went through since we broke up was written here, all the bullshits I've gone through and all the women I've been with, it was a roller coaster ride to be honest... but in the end, it was all still because of you..

The past three years since we broke up was really hard, I had to keep going out of the country because everywhere I go there always reminded me of you, of us.. all the places we used to go to, where we eat and everything else... I've always tried to avoid those places because I didn't want to remember you... I dated and played around with some of the girls you hated before, all of them who you said you won't be able to accept if I chose to replace you with them, I did all that to make me feel like I've won the breakup... but in reality, I was desperate trying to survive it... I was trying to believe that I was happy and contented with my life after you.. that I was doing well and that I was strong enough to have handled everything... I was wrong... karma hit me like a bitch... You were my everything at that point of my life, and when I did those things that made you want to leave me and get married, I didn't know what I was thinking.. We could have had it all as they say it, we could have had everything we wanted, and we could have fulfilled everything we have always planned before... it was my fault... and I'm sorry for that...

What we had can never be replaced or duplicated, we were young and crazy and that made friends and enemies for us at that time, it was my pride and insecurities that caused us to have been that kind of couple, we could have been better, but I guess things happen for a reason.. I know you moved on and it's time for me to do so as well...

I never liked the way we ended, the way you wanted things to end, and the way you gave up everything, but I knew I deserved every single ounce of pain that I've been through the past few years because it was of my own fault that ended things...  I was never mad at you for leaving me, I was hurt and bitter for some time but I was never mad at you because I know that you never did anything wrong to me...

I'm sorry, I truly am, I know it's too late to have said sorry for all the bullshit and pain I've caused you... But I have always admired the kind of person you were at the time we were together, and wherever you are right now and whatever you may be going through, I know that you're strong enough to handle it... I respect the kind of girlfriend you were to me, you have always given me what I wanted, did whatever I wanted to do and supported me in every single aspect of my life... and I loved you for that, and I will always be grateful that I once had someone like you in my life...

I've learned so much the past three years, I grew up, I made some of the same mistakes I've done with you before, and little by little I started to realise that it was those small things that destroyed our relationship before... I've learned that If I wanted to have the same kind of love and relationship we had before all the pride and insecurities played through, one that could have lasted, filled with happiness and understanding, honestly and loyalty... I knew that I had to grow up...

It took me three years to realise this... but now I have to let go...

Thank you being my first true love, my first real girlfriend, thank you for everything you have done for me, for forgiving me and for loving me as I was back then... and thank you for teaching me this lesson.. a lesson that I will put into heart for the rest of my life...

In the end, you still played an important part in my life, It was you who taught me to be a better man for someone that I don't want to lose, that I want to be with for the rest of my life.. and I'm thankful to you for being strong and leaving me because if it wasn't for our breakup, I wouldn't grow up..

I've learned my lesson, and I don't want to lose someone the way I lost you...

This is the last time and the last one...

Goodbye Darlababes...


-Karlo

Mi Cheri Amor.

This is the first time ever that I'm afraid of going the distance...

Long distance relationships?

Most of the people around will say that it never works, that it won't work or that it is a crazy idea to even consider..

Long distance itself is hard for people from the same country when one must go somewhere else while the other waits, or when one person goes somewhere while another goes elsewhere, that situation itself is hard, but at least there's a common ground between them... their shared culture, their identical or similar roots, and especially their home country..

It gets even harder when its a situation wherein you are from different cultures and countries and fate played its cards on you and had you meet someone completely perfect for you in a third party country.

There must be a reason for everything right?.

Fate gave me 90 days to enjoy and have fun with someone, I never thought I'd trust someone again after the previous stories I've became a part of, but this is just too much to pass on...

I've found someone whom I believe is the perfect combination and balance of everything I have ever looked for, based on the previous posts I've written, she's a mixture of almost everyone morphed into one beautiful creature.

I love it that she's smart and intelligent, both by the books and on the streets, that she can fucking drink as hard as me or even harder and still have the energy to take care of me when I pass out or go wild on everyone.. That pretty face and those sweet lips.. Those rare kind of eyes that I have never seen anything like before, a snake like pair of eyes that has me unconsciously staring at them all the time.. The fact that I can talk about nonsense for hours and she'd still listen and remember what I've been blabbing about... But most of all, I love it that she doesn't give a fucking damn about whatever other people think about our relationship as long as we're happy together.. regardless of how different our cultures were, our different tongues and different kinds of pasts... all that matters as of the moment is that we're living in it..

I could take days just writing about all the things that made me fall in love with her, more than halfway through that 90 days I have with her, I felt that all the failures in my past relationships made sense now, distance, trust and pride... it all made sense...

We all have to accept that not everything goes the way we want it all the time... we all have to know that sometimes we have to accept that there are things in life that has to be made hard before we can fully achieve it... that there will always be a few bumps and bruises along the way but what matters is that when both parties want to make it work, then there will always be a way... it may come easy or it may come hard as fuck, but as long as two minds and two hearts are both into it, then I know that the world can be a a good playground to play cat and mice until that day comes that there will be that common ground once again.

Fuck distance, fuck it, odds are always against the couples who would try to go the distance, but fuck the odds, odds schmods.. I never believed in long distance before.. But sometimes you meet someone who's just too damn hard to not even try going the extra mile.

We were strangers just a few months ago, we never knew and we never even expected that we'd cross paths, odds were against us that we'd even meet, but it happened.. and now it's like we've known each other all our lives, that all those times we were just waiting for that moment that we'd meet, and apparently, that moment is now.

There must be a reason for everything that's happening, and I'm hoping that it's all for the better, that all of these things will all make sense for something once again.




Salute a largo la distancia! Nosotros la voluntad hacer lo trabajar, mi amor!

The Fourth After Three Times the Charm

 
Some say that it's never too late to start again... sometimes it is...

Why do we encounter ex lovers?


A second chance?... 

A proper closure?...

or a painful lesson?...

...

She was my first true love, she was everything I could have ever wanted, I never really deserved her.. But she loved me like no one else would ever do... she was everything I ever asked for, besides her beauty, she was strong and brave and she was loyal and faithful to me...

We had literally everything around... all we could ever asked for, the freedom, the time and everything else..

I loved her and she loved me, but pride and lust caught up to me and I cheated on her three times.. and three times she forgave me... I gave her the freedom to leave me but she chose to stay still and be with me...

We had the right thing but we had the wrong time.. I was not ready for that kind of commitment back then, or maybe I was, I was just afraid.. If only I'd knew...

I felt confident and treated her and acted like she won't leave me no matter what... I was foolish enough not be thankful and grateful that she let everything I did in the past go...

It was my mistake...

Eventually time caught up to her and she felt like I was too much for her to handle anymore, she loved another and got married to him... I couldn't do anything because I owed her too much for me to try and even contest what she wanted to do for what she wanted for her own happiness...

She tried to call and apologize but I was too drunk to have listened, I cursed and cursed and didn't even listen to whatever she had to say...

That was the last time we ever spoke...

I tried to wait, I tried to chase after her, even as far as wherever she was at the time.. but she deserved all the happiness and she didn't want it with me anymore... too much damage has been done.

I had no choice but to let her go...

....

She was the girl who never wanted to be with me before, she was the girl who doubted my loyalty and chose to ignore all my advances to her..

We had everything around, money, time, friends, even the environment was favorable to us before... I was questionable back then but despite all of them I still tried to make it work and prove myself to her..

She was never the typical choice, but I did choose her, there was something in her that I really liked and I thought that if I've put effort and conviction to her, she would give in soon enough...

She thought she would have been the rebound, or the third party.. I never really knew because what I made were rash decisions at that time, we were both young and we both wanted to have done more in life after our experience...

We were at the right place at the wrong time...We could have had the right thing back then...

Time passed and we went our different ways, she went overseas while I waited back home, I thought I was waiting for something until I found out she got pregnant overseas.. It hurt like hell and I wanted to get away from reality...

It was valentines day and I picked up a bouquet of roses and a box of good chocolates for her, I waited for her outside her house, she never came.. I found out later the reason behind was that she was obviously pregnant at the time and she didn't want me to see...

That was the end of it.. I never thought I could have ever spoken to her again after what happened...

...

She was a crush from long ago, I thought she would have been the right person to have loved and given everything to, I've always admired her form afar before, she had the brains and the drive I've always looked for, and those eyes I've always admired.

I thought I'd forget all the shit in the past and settle down with her in a foreign land... Despite everyone's doubts, I gave it a try

I gave it a try and it seemed poised to work, I was honest and loyal to her, I tried to correct every wrong I've ever did... I tried to have been the right one for her and gave her everything... I thought that was enough..

As time passed by, I've realized we had the wrong thing at what could possibly have been the right time and the right place... We could have had everything.. I could and I would have had given her everything, until I found out...

I flew thousands of miles just to give it a try, everyone was against her, but I never really believed any of them at first, I believed in who she told me she was.. until i found out that I was not paranoid at all... that everything they told about her was true..

It was my birthday and she was all I ever wanted to make me feel special that day, but she never cared at all, she'd rather spend money to go to a club and party with friends than do anything for me..

That was the end of the line..

She was getting over a breakup, a breakup she never really never wanted to get over, I found out she was proudly telling other people that she was just using me but was still getting it on with her ex or flirting around with whoever.. It fucking hurt and again I had another reality to escape from, it was too much to bear.. just a glimpse of the city reminds me of all the lies.. I wanted out right away...

...

She was the counterpart, the witty and intelligent girl I've always teased around...

She was never an ex lover, but she was always there... We had chances before, but it was always the wrong time... We never had the opportunity to have been together.. given the complicated circumstances... We always missed the opportunity... including the one before I left... 

She opened up her past, and this was mine.. These were the experiences I've gone through through the past few years... I never could have told them face to face because I didn't want to talk about them when I'm with her, or at least I didn't feel the need to...

Let's see where it goes from here... one year from now..

I know I'll see her again..

....


TBC...

Pain: #dyosa

Fucking readers discretion is fucking advised.

At least once in everyone's life, we will experience pain like no other, the kind of pain that makes no sense but hurts like hell.

I have...

It makes no sense because you know that it will remain a bad memory and it will stay as it is for there is no fucking cure to it but to let go and let it be...

Its the fucking kind pain surely worth fucking forgetting.


To that bitch,

I did everything in my power, I tried to give you everything you could ever want, time, concern, effort, understanding, material things and so on, I played it nice and acted cool despite your dark pasts and everyone's disapproval, I believed in seeing the goodness in you and still believed that you were worth the trouble and still believed that you deserved to be viewed as a woman like how I used to look at you.

But i was fucking wrong.

I tried to see that despite everything that has happened in the past, you were sincere when you told me that you loved me

But hell no, reality slapped me fucking hard in the face.

I'll keep it simple,

You fucking used me, lied to me and made me look like a fool.

You made me fucking believe that I was the only one but behind my back you were fucking flirting around and fucking sleeping around with who-fucking-ever.

It's a bitter text, a text drawn by intoxication and rage, but this is the last one, the fucking last I'll ever put you in my fucking mind.

I hope you were happy, feeding your pride and ego with that fucking bragging rights you oh so craved for or for whatever else you have wanted for fucking making me look like a fool, for fucking lying straight to my face and for fucking letting that fucking bastard shit on my fucking face when you fucking fucked him while I was fucking myself up trying to create a fucking reason for our fucking relationship to have fucking worked.

I'm fucking enraged, knowing that you were fucking proud to tell other fucking people more-so those fucking people who fucking knew me and what we fucking believed to have been us that you were just fucking using me as your fucking sponsor to fucking give you whatever you fucking wanted that that fucking bastard could never have fucking gave you. And to have been proud to have been fucking telling and fucking showing other people that you were fucking lying straight to my face about being with that fucking bastard when you were fucking telling me that you weren't.

Thanks, for have fucking around with my mind and my emotions for the fucking duration of what I believed to be a fucking relationship. Thanks for fucking being honest and proud for telling other people that you were just fucking using me for what I could give.

Now I get it, that all the fucking things in your past just fucking never changed, you were still that fucking bitch who fucking keeps on having an affair with married men and who'd prefer to look like a slut and be surrounded and used by who fucking ever for the fucking sake of your fucking bragging rights, for the fucking sake of feeding your fucking ego and for fucking believing that you were fucking prettier than all the other girls you fucking shitted on the face on by fucking fucking around with who the fucking ever behind everyone's fucking backs.

And to step on my face like that. Its a fucking shame on me to have believed that a girl like you was ever worth it. My mistake, my bad.

You'll forever remain as a reminder, that a fucking pretty face and a fucking educational background does not stop anyone from being a fucking bitch like you.

So much for believing in "I love you, Darling"



-Your fucking Ex


PS. Karma came fucking back like hell to me. Let's just fucking wait and see for yours.



Forgive my rants. Just one time to fucking release all this fucking rage.

Reality: OWEPDUBAYU

Readers' discretion is strongly advised.

Away from our home country, our comfort zone and the familiar faces of friends and families back home, we live in a completely different world, with different kinds of nationalities, cultures and beliefs, different walks of lives, lifestyles and backgrounds.

I've always believed in the good inside all people, that beneath all the dark pasts, the rumors, the false gossips and everything not so nice thrown towards a certain someone, there is always someone worth loving deep inside.

In this situation however, we live in a world of practicality, being away from our comfort zones, its human nature to adapt to any means necessary to survive or live a better life abroad.. But I've always thought that there would be boundaries to such "means"..

Being the romantic that I am, I came to believe that somehow, the word "love" would be enough to dispel all the pride and temptations given in such a place like this.

I was wrong..

Money, fame, pride, bragging rights and social status are much more important to some (not generalizing) but maybe majority of our countrywomen I've encountered here, those words seem to be more important than what we call "morals" and "conscience"..

We were supposed to believe that in this place, given the cultural differences compared to our country, adultery is illegal and intolerable and even punishable by death. But hey, now I came to believe that pride and desperation is stronger than values.

I came to see that some of our countrywomen has chosen to walk down that path of choosing to be the concubine, the mistress and even as low as the fuck buddy of foreigners and even fellow countrymen who are higher up the corporate ladder, or people that can give them "power" and bragging rights over some others in the social jungle.

Our countrymen are often regarded as the powerhouses in the workplace, the hard workers and the renegade stooges who plays by our own rules, but to some foreigners from where I stand, we're lowlifes and weak because we can't even secure our own countrywomen to ourselves. That's their belief and I couldn't blame them..

Its rare to see any women of a different nationality dating our countrymen, but it's very common to see men of different kinds of nationalities dating women from our country.

It's disgusting to see your countrywomen walking down with a foreign old man, or with a married man, or with an old married man, knowing what she's really up to, knowing her intentions whatsoever, given that "love" is a slight possibility but more often than not, it's the other way around.

It's a fucked up world, some even has the guts to tell people that they are just using those people who truly loves them and those that would try and give them a proper life as "sponsors", taking advantage of their feelings and weaknesses towards them, while secretly dating and even sleeping with such people mentioned above (Rich, higher ups, or those who can give them "social bragging rights") and they're proud that they are and are not ashamed of what the fuck they're doing.

Even as low as playing poker face in front of the wife of the husband they had an affair with while pretending to be friends while in reality they're whores who couldn't help but feed their pride and ego with the "bragging rights" they so crave for. Believing that they're prettier and so much better than those they've shitted on the face on, when in reality, well, you know what you are.

Anywhere you walk around these places, these kinds of women do exist. Don't fall into that trap the way I did.

Regardless of which background anyone came from or no matter how expensive or exclusive ones education was, no matter how smart one was during high school and college, or how many awards and recognitions one has had educationally and professionally, everyone is prone to this kind of "culture" which is what some others consider as "in" and "cool" and is completely tolerated by those people around who does the same and those who enjoy the show.

I saw women whom I thought to be women with class and a ladies with brains turn out to be nothing but whores and bitches sleeping around, using people and playing with others emotions.. 

For what? money, attention, pride and fame. So much for your ideal girl.

I've always believed in morals and values.

But from my personal experience and of some others as well, its rare to meet someone with both from where I currently stand.

Bitter? nah... It's fucking reality.

As I've told, readers discretion is strongly advised.


BIG.

Pain: Ain't Like the Movies

For a hopeless romantic like me and whoever relates to these texts, it sucks to realize that the happy endings we desire so much doesn't truly exist..

Life ain't like the chickflicks and the love stories we see in movies.. It's not like you can always expect something out of this world to happen and turn things around for you... reality is never like that...

Its not like a sign would magically appear in front of her telling her and making her realize how much you love her and how much special she is to you, its not like someone completely random would unexpectedly give her a piece of advice that would push her into thinking that your relationship is worth the save.

Its never like that, its never like the movies we see...

Its natural to believe in such things, to try and do such things for the people we love, romantic dates, sentimental presents, moments of sweetness and cheezyness with each other, the feeling of belonging to someone, that someone actually cares about all your ups and downs in life and really gives a shit about them.

But sometimes, reality bites and slaps us that more often than not, it doesn't work that way...

She won't know and will never know how much you try and do everything you ever can for her, no matter how much you try, what's not enough will always be not enough for someone who doesn't try and see through all the sacrifices and choices you made for them..

She won't know how much you're hurting and will never know how you feel whenever she blows you off and dumps you off.. she'll never know that all you ever wanted was to try and fix things even if it meant lowering down your pride and going out of this world to find ways on how you'll ever try to fix your relationship with her..

It sucks that there's no climaxes, conflicts and resolutions scripted for these kinds of situations like they do in the movies, the one that's tailored to give the audience a happy ending..

Time will tell, if it's a love story worth telling, or a tragedy that should be buried down deep and forgotten.

Its not like she'll realize this and that like they do in a span of a two hour movie.. it takes time, and sometimes, it never really happens, one will always be left wondering why and how things never really worked out when all you ever did was try and do everything you possibly can for her.

Ang Sakit sa Katotohanan

Maghihiwalay kami,

Bakit?

Minsan, nanjan ang tinatawag nating pride, walang gustong magpakumbabaan, parehas tama, walang mali at walang umaamin ng pagkakamali, kadalasan ang mga ganitong klaseng hiwalayan ay yung mga hindi pinagiisipan ng mabuti, yun bang tipong nadala ka lang ng emosyon at galit mo sa puntong iyon ng buhay mo.. subalit papano nga ba maiiwasan ang ganitong klaseng sitwasyon?.. marahil ay sa lahat o sa karamihan ng mga magkarelasyon, ito ang nagiging problema, dahil natural sa tao ang pakiramdam na tama sila palagi sa mga desisyon at sa mga iniisip nilang mga bagay bagay.. ngunit ang hindi pangkaraniwan ay yung mga tipong tao na marunong magpakumbaba at marunong umamin sa mga naging mali nila, yung mga taong may konsensya sa katawan at yung mga taong marunong magpahalaga ng kung anung meron sila, hindi yung mga taong umoo nalang at inaako ang kasalanan subalit may pagkasarkastiko ang banat.

Minsan, marahil ikaw nga talaga ang tama, at siya ang mali, ngunit pursigido siya na siya ang tama at wala kang magawa, mamimili ka kung maghihiwalay kayo o sige siya nalang ang tama para sa kapakanan ng relasyon niyong dalawa, minsan naman marahil ikaw ang mali, at siya ang tama, at ikaw ang matigas ang ulong nagmamatigas at ayaw magpakumbaba, siya naman ngayon ang mamimili, kung iiwan ka na lang ba niya dahil matigas masyado ang ulo mo, o magpapakumbaba siya at ooo sige nalang siya sayo dahil tunay ka niyang mahal..

Malamang sa una o pangalawang pagkakataon, pagbibigyan ka niya at sige aakuhin nalang niya ang mali, ngunit lahat ng tao ay may kanya kanyang limitasyon sa mga ganitong klaseng katarantaduhan, yun bang tipong pag umaabuso na at tila wala na talagang pag asa, sorry nalang kaibigan, pero sarili mo rin sigurong kasalanan yun.

Depende rin naman sa mga bagay na pinagaawayan, kung gaano kalalim o gaano kababaw.. kung yung mga tipong maliliit na bagay tulad ng pagtulog at di pag reply agad sa text lang naman ang pinanggagalingan ng away, maygad, wag na tayong mag aksaya ng oras na pagdiskusyunan pa yang mga ganyang bagay dahil alam naman na natin kung gaano kababaw iyang mga yan.

Ngunit papano kung yung mga tipong rason na makakaapekto sa kasalukuyang buhay niyong dalawa? yun bang tipong may iniputan sa mukha? nanloko, nanlalaki o nambabae, nagsinungaling ng harapan, nagnakawan at iba pa?..

Hindi mapipigilang umiral ang pride sa ganyang sitwasyon, lalu na kung may niloko at nanloko, marahil ay oo mapapatawad ka niya, subalit ang marka ay habang buhay nang nandyan, minsan mo na akong pinaiputan sa mukha, ibig sabihin ay nasa abilidad mong gawin muli. Masakit tanggapin at mabuhay sa ganitong klaseng sitwasyon, at marahil mauungkat at mauungkat kung hindi minsan ay madalas.

Nakakarindi at nakakairita pakinggan ang mga panunumbat at paguungkat sa nakaraan galing sa taong niloko mo, ngunit masisisi mo ba sila? nasaktan sila ngunit nangibabaw ang pagmamahal nila sayo at tinanggap kang muli, sana lang sa susunod, huwag mo nang ilagay sa posisyon o sa sitwasyon na mailalagay sa alanganin ang relasyon niyo muli, at kung gagawin mo man, konsensya mo nalang, malamang wala ka non kung piliin mo mang itago nalang.

Ang maging possessive ay minsan nakakasakal, subalit sino ba naman ang may gusto na hindi mo alam kung nasaan at sino ang kasama ng kasintahan mong minsan ka nang tinarantado?.. konsensya nalang sana nung nanloko kung meron man siya non, konting kompromiso at pagiintindi din dahil hindi madali ang tanggapin na minsan kang iniputan sa mukha ng ibang tao.

Depende rin naman sa kung paano ka maging possesive, pag minsan eh yung wala nang punto at ikaw na ang nagmumukhang gago at baliw, may kasalanan ka rin, oo hindi maiiwasan, pero nandyan ang salitang tiwala, depende nalang din sa kung paano mo kilala at paano kilala ng mga taong nakapaligid sakanya ang taong nasasakal mo.

Simple lang yan eh, wala namang mga ganitong away kung hindi pinaiiral ang pride eh, sabihin na nating nagsimula sa panloloko, ediba sa ganon pride din naman ang nangunguna, yung pakiramdam na may naisahan kang kasintahan o di kaya'y kasintahan ng iba at pakiramdam mo ay napakagwapo o napakaganda mo..

Kompromiso at pagintindi, wag umabuso at matutong magtimpi, hangga't kayang gawan ng paraan, gagawan.. hangga't kayang ayusin, subukang ayusin.. walang mas sasarap sa pakiramdam na nagpakumbaba ka at umintindi.

Kung talagang nagmamahalan kayo, magtulungan kayo, magusap at magintindihan, hindi yung isa lang ang trumatrabaho sa relasyon at yung isa ay nagiginungaling at naglulumandi.

Hindi natin alam kung anu ba talaga ang tama at mali, pero nasasatin ang desisyon kung kaya pa nating subukang muli.

Isa lang naman pinanggalingan yan eh..

Ang putanginang puno't dulo ng lahat.. Pride.


Bow.